The Highlight Reel

I once heard Steven Furtick say, "Stop comparing your life to everyone else's highlight reel."

He of course, was referring to the slippery slope of today's social media platforms.  Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Blogs, etc. are all a part of our lives these days, no matter how routinely you check your notifications or scroll through the buzz.  This comparison thing can quickly turn into jealousy, dishonesty, gossiping, and a whole host of other ugly outcomes.  My observation is that women are especially vulnerable to this behavior, purely judging by how many times my husband has told me to chill out when browsing Instagram.

This "being all up in everybody's grill" is a relatively new phenomenon, I guess specific to our generation.  We are the first ones to know in real-time what everybody else made for dinner (guilty), what our kid is doing every five seconds (especially guilty), where we've gone on our "run" (yep), or what we look like in front of a Target dressing room mirror (not guilty, thankfully).

The most bizarre thing of all is that all of this occurs without much of a relational investment.  I may have not seen you since middle school, but if I bumped into you in real-life I would know everything that's happened to you in minute detail.  Do I pretend to not know that your dog just died?  Creepy.  Maybe it is my personality, but I am genuinely interested in what people are doing.  It's almost like a reality show, starring the people you've known throughout your life, minus (hopefully) much of the fake drama.  Or so we think.

The worst part of all, is that what you see isn't always what you get.  It is scary how much perception can be skewed, even of ourselves.  This came to my attention a few weeks ago, when after a friend's birthday party (Duck Dynasty themed), my friend texted me a picture that she had taken of Ben, Olivia, and I.

I actually wanted to fall out when I saw it.

There's at least a twenty-pound difference.  I look like a complete bozo.  That shirt does not fit the way I thought it did, (when my husband assured me it looked good at the thrift store).  I have bad posture.  And let's not even discuss the head piece.

Go ahead and scroll back up to Exhibit A, also known as the picture I posted on Instagram.  Major difference, huh?

Observations:

1.  People (obviously including myself) don't post ugly or unflattering photos of themselves.  They (we) just don't.  Which translates to this: nobody is as perfect as they seem on Facebook.

2.  Let's forge real relationships again.  This internet thing is great for connecting, encouraging, and a whole host of other wonderful things, but there is absolutely no substitute for actual 3-D friends living in community together.

3.  This one probably only applies to me.  Stop assuming things and relax.  No, really.  Comparison isn't helpful.  To anyone.  At all.  Especially when you're comparing true (what you see in the mirror) to false (what is intentionally or unintentionally portrayed on social media).

4.  Let's all start posting ugly pictures of ourselves so we're pleasantly surprised in real life.  A Highlight  REAL of sorts...

In Our Defense

The other day I was complaining to Ben about my lovely new stretch marks, lamenting over my wardrobe (well, all three things that fit me right now and the rest which hasn't been updated since college), and being generally negative about my body, hair, skin, etc.


He looked at me with tired eyes and firmly warned me, "Don't talk to my wife that way."


His response shocked me.  Self depreciation?  Not okay in his book.  Good to know.  He was done with hearing me put myself down.  Life is tough enough without adding insult to injury.


My battered and war torn body has served me tirelessly over the past year.  It has  accomplished two of its occupant's life long dreams: running a half marathon and having a baby.  These stretch marks are battle scars.  Why would I apologize for such a miracle?  Instead of complaining, I should be reminded of the incredible life giving gift that is childbirth.  Carrying a tiny human for nine months and single handedly bringing her into this world, with the only lasting damage being lines down my belly?   I should be rejoicing!


My clothes leave a lot to be desired.  After college I could afford to spend half of my paycheck on new outfits and not think twice.  Now we get to buy diapers and pay for health insurance, conquer car repairs and balance grocery bills, but I wouldn't have it any other way.   All of this leaves little leverage in our $30 monthly shared clothing budget between the three of us, but you know what?  For me, there is more to life than being trendy.  I've heard it said that maturity is the ability to delay pleasure.  That makes me beautiful in my husband's eyes.  We are blessed beyond measure, learning great financial management tools we will carry with us for the rest of our lives.  


My hair has never been fabulous.  It became a little more favorable during pregnancy but is now going though the lovely falling out stage.  My friend Amy introduced me to Tiffany Starnes (Stella Nova King Street, book her!) a few years ago, and I could never repay her for the ways she has built me up over some tough seasons in my life.  Yes, it is a major splurge every few months to have a great haircut, but we plan for it and Ben loves how I feel after Tiffany has taken care of me.


Weight?  Oh dear.  My sister in law and I decided a long time ago that we won't allow ourselves to complain about it unless we are doing something about it.  And if we are doing something about it there will be less and less to complain about.  So now, I am back on #witnessthefitness and feeling great.   Pre baby jeans still don't fit quite right, but if I were being honest with myself, they probably didn't look too hot before baby.  There is a 99% chance that I will never be a size 4.  And I am completely down with that.  But I am being proactive for my sake, and all I can do is do the best with what I've got.


My husband came to my defense against none other than myself.  I believe every woman should have someone in her corner, someone to lift her up in light of herself.  We can be our worst enemy.  Mean-spirited.  Spiteful.  Angry.  Hateful.  All while looking in the mirror.


This is no excuse to be a fat frump.  It is an exaltation to husbands and friends everywhere who are able to see wives and friends for their truest beauty and push them to dig deeper within themselves for the benefit of all.  It is encouragement to myself and other women to do well with what we've been given and make the best from who we are.


A good woman is hard to find, and worth far more than diamonds. -Proverbs 31:10

Our one occasion for fancy in the past few months.